This is just a general reminder to people: I can’t !@#$% hear. I’m not rude. I’m not ignoring you. I don’t hate you. I’m probably not even thinking about you at all. I truly can’t hear people, especially in group conversations. So a lot of times I just tune out and don’t bother.
Hearing is not effortless for me. Wearing hearing aids does not replace the natural function of your ears. In order for me to “hear” you I have to concentrate very hard with all of my thoughts bent towards what you’re saying, kind of like Sauron with the One Ring. And I use all kinds of cues to help me decipher your speech, like visual cues, context cues, lip reading, etc. Especially if it’s in a busy or loud environment.
I meet you in your hearing world and do the bulk of the heavy lifting in conversations while little to none of you know sign or try to meet me halfway by maybe trying writing things down for me or using gestures to help. If I’m lucky you’ll speak exaggeratedly to me like you’re talking to a very dim-witted dog.
You don’t even know that you need to face me when talking to me no matter how many times I tell you this, and sometimes you try to yell things to me from the other room and I have to stop what I’m doing, come out and find you and stand in front of you and ask you to repeat something because you are so used to being able to hear that you can’t conceive of what I go through on a daily basis.
Sometimes I think you’re the ones who are the dim-witted dogs if I’m being honest 😝
But this is not new… people have been misunderstanding me my whole life. I’ve been called rude, disrespectful, spoiled, stuck-up. I know I don’t always do the “polite, social niceties” thing. And I’m not into small talk on top of not being able to hear it.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m a little bit neurodivergent on top of being deaf. But disrespectful and stuck-up? No way.
I am not faking being deaf. I know I can speak well. I know I could hear better when I was younger, and those of you who have known me for a long time maybe think that I’m still that same girl who could hear better back then. And I do phenomenally well with my hearing aids considering how deaf I really am at this point. But I currently test in the severe to profound range without my hearing aids in, which is just about the lowest score you can get on a hearing test. If I had been born with that level of loss, it’s very likely that I would not be able to speak to you at all. I’d be signing with my fellow deafies and having a grand old time instead of limping along in this lonely in-between-deaf-and-hearing limbo I find myself stuck in.
So if the only time you see me is at family parties, or in big groups (like work, or school, or a class or whatever), those places are not Emily-friendly. Please re-read the first paragraph and repeat after me: Emily can’t !@#$% hear. She’s not rude. She’s not ignoring me. She doesn’t hate me.
Actually, I’m probably frustrated and lonely and wondering why so few of you want to make at least a little bit of effort to try to talk to me.