I am Demisexual

I am demisexual.

Demisexual people are considered to be on the asexual spectrum.

For me, the vast majority of men I am very “eh” about. However, I can become attracted to men I am initially “eh” about through emotional connection.

It’s very rare for me to be instantly physically attracted to someone. I can see when someone is attractive from an objective standpoint, kind of like admiring a beautiful work of art… but it doesn’t mean I’m sexually attracted to that person.

I am usually only sexually attracted through emotional connection. Unless you happen to be my type (long blonde or red hair, beard, not too tall, a little chubby). But even then, I still need an emotional connection before I want to enter into any type of romantic relationship with you.

I also don’t tend to get celebrity crushes… instead I get crushes on the characters they play. Because I don’t know the celebrity, but I do know the character they play through watching their TV show or movie. So they become attractive to me through their characters, not through the fact that they are a celebrity and therefore “hot”. For example, I don’t love Josh Holloway, I love Sawyer.

It usually takes a whilllllllle for me to want to get physical with someone. That three dates rule everyone’s talking about? It’s usually more like, three dates before I’m even considering whether I want to hold your hand, never mind anything else.

I can go long periods of time between romantic relationships, and I mean, yeah, I miss having someone, but at the same time I’m also fine without that. I also tend to give off “just friends” or “little sister” vibes to guys, even guys I am attracted to.

This is because my default setting is friends before all else. I want to get to know you. I want to get to know your heart. I want you to get to know me too. And I don’t want sex to get in the way of that, at least not right away.

This also means I can’t participate in any kind of casual sex. Casual sex to me is kind of hard to explain. I guess I would say it’s any sexual activity that’s not with my absolute best friend, the one I love the most in all the world (and who hopefully loves me the most too?).

I don’t even like kissing guys I barely know, and I have cried after someone tried to kiss me before I was ready to be kissed, that’s how much it bothers me.

I am a slow burn.

I have a high barrier to entry.

But I’m also worth it.

I am demisexual.

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